You Wanna Know What? StarClan
by Pebble That Shines
Summary: My older brother kept ranting about StarClan being a walking plot hole, so I suggested we make a fan fiction about what he believes what stupid things were going on in StarClan at the time. Disclaimer: We don't own Warriors, if so StarClan wouldn't be jerks, we also do not own the independence day speech. Rated T for a reason. (spoiler alert!)


Made by my older Brother.

Typer and Editer: Pebble

* * *

You know what I have a problem with? StarClan, that's what. Over time they just lost interest in the Clans. For example:

StarClan, "Holy crap, there killing each other. We have to warn them! it's **our** responsible to lead and guide them."

 **Years later in the banishing of SkyClan...**

SkyClan, "What you can't banish us!?"

Random Leader, "Look at the trees! There are four of them. It must be an omen from StarClan!"

"Or maybe there was always four trees and StarClan were too lazy to add a 5th one." Says other cat.

"No, you idiot! It must be an omen from StarClan," Random Leader says.

Cloudstar eyes widened into moons as he said, "But two-legs forced us out of territory!"

 **(Meanwhile in StarClan)**

"You know, should we like, do something?" StarClan cat said.

Other StarClan cat agreed saying, "Yeah, what if this has an affect one us too? That's the only time we do stuff about it."

"Who cares? It's not our problem," Said a cat.

"You know, shouldn't we move them a bit north. You know where we all came from? You know all we have to do is give them directions, " said another random cat.

"Shut up you idiot! if it doesn't affect us somehow we don't do anything," said a scarred tom.

A pale she-cat nodded saying, "Yeah, what's the worst that can happen?"

Later after SkyClan is banished...

"I'm glad this didn't affect us somehow!" A bright gold she-cat meowed cheerfully.

"Hey, SkyClan!" Hissed another fellow StarClan warrior.

The former SkyClan warriors looked confuzzled.

The warrior narrowed his eyes, "Hey hitch hikers, SkyClan left! Get out you dirty scum-bags!"

"W-what?! We live here!" Snarled the former SkyClan warriors.

"Not anymore you dirty low lives," a random former ThunderClan cat sniffed.

A blue-gray tabby ShadowClan cat said, "Now pack your stuff and leave!"

"Fine! We didn't need you jerks anyway!" Hissed a former half-faded SkyClan medicine cat.

They went on an incredibly long, seemingly useless, strange journey. Finally they reached the gorge, panting and wishing they would fade already.

"Wow, a lot of cats died to get here..." Observed a sleek tom.

Another cat rolled her eyes, "Ah, who cares? We're already dead!"

A random cat's eyes widened, "Hold on, they stopped believing in us. Does that me we fade- (poofs away)

 **Sometime later at Midnight's place...**

"Midnight, why did you bring us here on this incredibly long journey where one of us died?" Asked Brambleclaw.

Midnight's eyes darkend, "YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY?! WHY, BECAUSE THOSE STARCLAN CATS WANTED ME TO TELL YOU SOMETHING BECAUSE THEY WERE TOO LAZY BEING ON CAT NIP!"

Tawnypelt cocked her head, "Isn't that like, drugs for cats?"

"Yes, yes it is my child," Midnight nodded solemnly.

Crowpaw asked, "So, what exactly is the problem?"

Midnight shifted position, "Oh, your just in crave danger because of the two-legs."

"What...? What? **WHAT?!** You're telling me the entire point we came here was because you had to tell us something that could have been easily told a medicine cat? My sister **DIED!** " Stormfur spat.

"Well I tried to tell them..."

 **Previously in StarClan...**

Midnight asked, "Why have you called me?"

"This is the greatest idea I ever had! What if, what if, we called four cats together, all not medicine cats and, and stay with me with on this on! We send them on a wild goose chase, and that, that Midnight is where you show up and tell them a message we could have already explained to a medicine cat! Or just told them when we summoned them. It's the ultimate form of amusement!"

Midnight gaped at Pinestar, "What? What? What?!"

Pinestar's eyes shined, "I know, it's so crazy it just might amuse us for a few days!"

"But what if one of them dies!?" Midnight asked.

"Trust me their the greatest of the great! And get this, get this, one will be a not even fully trained apprentice," Pinestar meowed.

Lionheart's gasped, "Mine...blown..."

"I can't belief this is happening," Spottedleaf murmured in a corner.

"It's genius!" Said everyone expect Spottedleaf, Midnight, and Whitestorm who was hunting.

"What if someone else tagged along?" Another cat asked.

Pinestar smirked, "Then it's twice as amusing! This is the best idea ever!"

"Wait, don't we have to tag along with them when we leave the forest," asked Redtail.

"Not in our first class private jets we aren't!" Pinestar said excitedly.

 **3 days later in the warrior's dangerous and long great journey...**

Leafpaw heard rocks crumpling and suddenly with a loud, echoing screech Smokepaw fell to his death. Suddenly he woke up with his vision blurred.

He shook his head to clear his vision and asked, "W-where am I?"

"Hey, how did you get onto our private jet?" Pinestar asked angrily.

Pinestar's eyes widened, "Oh, oh, oh you must have died. You know, we stopped watching after the second day or so. Take a seat, where watching Netflix."

Smokepaw asked, "Aren't you like, worried about what's going to happen?"

"Well they survived this long, Devil knows why," Pinestar said.

"What?" Smokepaw asked in confusion.

Pinestar answered, "Well we're StarClan. We have to have someone to look up to. We're StarClan, what else do we have? We can't say "Oh My StarClan", We are StarClan. So we just worshipped the one person we heard about first."

"Well that seems perfectly logical!" Smokepaw commented.

 **Later before Power of Three...**

Frostfur, "You, Yellowfang. Actually tell something to a warrior."

"Is it the fate of the next generation of warriors?" Yellowfang asked.

"Well, yeah. But this is important, you have to tell Squirrelflight she can't have kits!" Frostfur answered.

"Yeah, why?" Asked Yellowfang.

Frostfur explained saying, "Because, here me out on this. It's order to do a nice thing for her sister, AKA raise her kits."

"Yeah, but wouldn't she automatically do that for her sister? There the best of friends," Yellowfang said.

"I know, but we need to squeeze as much drama out of this as possible! This is the only entertainment we have!"

"Don't we have Netflix here in StarClan?" The gray she-cat asked.

"Yes, but did you ever watch everything on Netflix? What do we do now, patiently wait for the next update to come out? Here at StarClan we make our own entertainment. Why did you think we didn't stop those clouds from moving right when Fireheart was about to announce Tigerstar's betrayal?" Frostfur said overly dramatically.

Yellowfang rolled her eyes, "I hate you. I hate all of you."

After that Yellowfang went to the dark corner where Spottedleaf was standing.

"Honestly, why did we even make this decision," Yellowfang hissed under her breath.

 **...**

"Oh man, I'm so overdosed on cat-nip right now! So who should the kit's go too?" Appledusk asked, lazily flicking his tail back and forth.

"Shut up, Appledusk. Nobody likes you, now who should the magical kits go to? Hmm... Eenie, meenie, meinie, moe. Catch a Tigerstar by it's toe. If he hollers, let him go, eenie, meenie, meinie , moe. Well looks like it landed on Leafpool," Pinestar said.

A random cream tabby asked, "But Leafpool can't have kits..."

Pinestar said, "Then we'll just have to make it work! And maybe we can make one of them blind!"

"That's a great idea," said another cat.

"I know, think of the symbolism! A cat that's blind but can see StarClan in his dreams," Pinestar said.

 **Later when Leafpool and Squirrelflight are sitting alone.**

Sunstar stared at the two lonely sisters and said, "Wow, we really ruined their lives, didn't we?"

"It's not our fault, she dated a cat from another Clan. We didn't make her do that and some of us mated with cats from other Clans, too. Looking at you Bluestar." Pinestar said.

"Hypocrites," Bluestar hissed.

 **Later in Power of Three...**

"I can't believe we went to find these fox cubs! This is the stupidest, freaking thing we ever done! We're only 3 moons old," Hollykit gasped.

Lionkit said, "Hey Hollykit, where's your sense of adventure!"

"We're about to die!" Hollykit screeched.

"And that's what fun about it," Lionkit mewed cheerfully.

Hollykit's tail bristled, "We brought a blind cat with us! Who brings a blind cat to a fox den?! No offense, Jaykit."

"Screw you guys" Jaykit hissed.

Hollykit said sarcastically, "Well, he's no help.

 **Meanwhile in StarClan**

"Boy, I love chase scenes in movies," Pinestar said, ears twitching.

Spottedleaf nearly screamed, "This isn't a movie! They are going to die!

Pinestar rolled his green eyes, "Shush! You're ruining the movie."

"It's not a movie!" Spottedleaf screamed like a little girl. "They're going to die!"

"SHHH! You are ruining the movie!"

"I've had enough of this," Spottedleaf muttered.

For a few moments later Spottedleaf teleported away. She came back later with her calico fur ruffled and triumph shining in her eyes.

Pinestar stared at her darkly, "You just had to ruin the movie."

"I hate you," Spottedleaf growled as she went back to her corner.

 **Later in The Last Hope...**

"In less then a day, the Clans shall join together. And we will be launching the greatest fight in the history of the Clans. For all the Clans, this shall be our greatest matter. But we can't be consumed by our pity differences. We find our selves once again fighting for our freedom.

"Not from evil or annihilation, but for our right to live!" Jayfeather said as a cat shed a tear while holding an American flag. "To exist and should we win the day, it will be marked as the greatest battle the warriors have ever had. As the Clans declared in one voice we will not go quietly into the night, we will not vanish without a fight! We're going to live on, we are going to survive! Today we fight for our lives, and for our will to survive!"

"My...god," said Bluestar shedding a tear.

Everyone cheered and Pinestar said, "It will affect us somehow! We have to fight, plus we can't die twice, can we?"

 **...**

"AHHH!" Spottedleaf gasped as she fell to the ground and faded.

Stormtail's eyes widened, "Oh god! We really can die! Why did we do this?"

 **Later after that battle...**

Ivypool unsheathed her claws as she asked, "Wait, if you could come down from StarClan couldn't you have warned us about Tigerstar? This entire thing could have been avoided!"

"Uh-uh," Rainflower stuttered.

 **Meanwhile in StarClan...**

"Man, I'm sure glad where not down there with those losers!" Pinestar said.

Shrewclaw nodded saying, "Yeah! One of us could have died."

"Oh, crap," Swiftpaw said as he backed into a tree.

 **Meanwhile in the Clans..**

"The battle has finally been won! The menace Tigerstar has finally been defeated!" Dovewing said as she licked her fluffy chest.

Lionblaze eye's shone as he said, "Look Jayfeather! _Look!_ "

"I hate you. I hate you all," Jarfeather muttered.

"look out Firestar!" Graystripe screamed, but the gray tom was too late. Firestar has already been crushed.

Sandstorm eyes watered as she said, "Firestar! NOOOOOO!"

And Firestar's last words were, "Son of a-! Gagauhuhahuhugakakakeahahuhuhgagakaka."

"What, what?! One of the most beloved characters gets killed by a tree? That's how he dies? He get's killed by tree, not in the battle that decided the fate of the Clan? Not with epic battle with Tigerstar, not even the flames!? but A tree?!" said an outraged reader, "WTF."

And the moral of the story The Last Hope is a walking, talking, plot hole.


End file.
